How do we make it work?

I know many of my readers are struggling with trying to do too much. We are parents, or artists, or workaholics, or renovating the house, or hitting the gym 5 days a week, and we struggle to afford the things we want, and it’s just tough sometimes to balance life out.

For myself, I’m a mom, and I work full time. I live here alone, and my son goes to his dad's three nights a week. I commute an hour to work and an hour home, 5 days a week. That means that I leave the house at 7:45 am, drop my son off at school, hop on the bus, stay at work for 8.5 hours, rush to the bus, pick up my son, and I don’t get back into the house until 6pm. Then, dinner, a few minutes of ‘together’ time with my son while he rambles on about something related to star trek or time travel, then it’s “brush your teeth” and then bedtime. 8pm rolls around and I’m writing, or I’m sleeping, or maybe reading- but I’m exhausted.

Right now, we’re in a 1 bedroom basement suite, because it’s what I can afford. My son’s bed is in the living room. This suits my son just fine because he treats it like a giant bedroom with a TV in it. The big downside (except for all the Lego in my living room) is that once he’s in bed, I’m pretty much stuck in my room. Granted he sleeps through anything, but its not like I can watch a movie or have a lot of company over.

So on the days he is here, I’m rushing around, commuting, working, rushing, cooking, cleaning, and then hanging out in my room, alone.

It’s kind of nuts. And we live 45 minutes outside of town (my son’s father lives 75 minutes outside of town and I need to be here to support that relationship). I’m far enough out of town and off the main bus routes that people can’t easily come and visit me at my apartment. I can leave and go to other people’s places on the days that my son is at his dads. But on the days that he is home, I have very busy days and not a lot of ‘me’ time, and I'm alone.

I think that is really common for parents; having to give so much, all the time just to make life work. We struggle to pay the bills, keep the place clean, get to the parent teacher interviews, play dates, birthday parties, swimming lessons, cubs, soccer, and sew the button back on the pants that broke last week.

Sometimes it is just too much. It really isn’t easy some days. And I am honestly not typing it because I want a pity party, because I’m the last person to ever really get down on myself. I say it because I know so many of you (parents and non-parents) struggle with day to day life as well. It’s hard to get everything done. It is hard to make financial ends meet. It is hard to get ahead. It is hard to save money. It is hard to find time to do it all. To landscape the yard, put on that extra coat of paint, wash the car, clean the windows, put in overtime at work, and mail the Christmas cards. Life expects us to be so many things, and to be perfect at so many things.

I know that it is hard. So how do we make time for ourselves in a world like the one we live in? How do we support our relationships with our friends, partners and family? How do we find time for our selves? How do we balance work, social life, keeping the house clean, and being good parents?

I haven’t figured it out, to be honest. I just live in the moment. I follow joy. I am gentle with myself. If I don’t vacuum for 2 weeks it is okay, because really, happiness is more important than vacuuming. I often buy pre-made, immediate food for dinners, because really, I don’t have time to make home-made food. And that is okay. We do our best. I pay my child to wash our dishes, because I don’t have energy to do them myself. I do what I can. I put the important stuff first. I have a list of priorities and I put the stuff on the top first.

First on my list are the people that are important to me. My son, my relationship, my family and my friends are all at the top. Then it is my blog and my job. Then last is house cleaning and cooking. I won’t take time off work to clean the house or make a roast. But if my son is sick, I will take time off work. It’s easy to figure out that way. And I am gentle with myself about the cleaning and the cooking. If it’s not perfect, it’s going to be okay. I am a really busy person. My friends, my family, my partner, everyone understands. And if they don’t, they won’t get invited over for frozen pizza.

Just find the balance. Know what your priorities are. Decide what is okay to slide, and when it slides, be okay with it. It helps. The world will not stop rotating if you don't do everything. Just be happy, really- because that's what the people around you really need. Happiness. Comment question of the day: What are your priorities, and do you ever let some things slide? What are you okay with letting slide, and what are you not okay with sliding?

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