Honesty

Today's post is about honesty, and what it means to me.

We all know that we're not supposed to lie. And yet, it is difficult to prevent hurt feelings, or awkward situations, or other people's anger when we are totally honest. How are we supposed to live in honesty when it is so difficult?

For myself, honesty with others is based on honesty with myself. Every action I take, I justify first. Like everyone else, I make decisions based on how I feel, the things I want and need, and how my decision will affect other people. Like all of us, I weigh each choice I make with the alternatives, and choose the action that fits best based on what I feel and what I know. Understanding this process is important to the concept of living within honesty. When you make a choice, you justify that choice as you make it. Most of the time, most of us make these justifications without thinking about them.

Living in honesty means being aware of the basis of our justifications, and being able to share them.

As an example: if someone was upset at me for canceling a plan, then I might need to describe why I thought that it would be okay to do so. Maybe something more important came up for me. I would need to look at my own justifications to see WHY that something was more important. Here is where honesty with self is most important. What emotions were behind the justification? Was I excited about something that I wanted to spend time on? Was I avoiding something uncomfortable? Did I have an opportunity to do something unique that I couldn't do at another time? And how did I think this would affect the person I was canceling plans with? All of these justifications are important pieces of information that you can, and should share, if you're trying to live in honesty.

The problem with sharing our justifications is that in some cases, what we decide for ourselves, doesn't always work for someone else. That's uncomfortable for ourselves, and for others. It's not surprising that we want to avoid that, and that's why we create lies in the first place.

But with practice, you will see that there is always a reason behind the choice that you make, and that is information you can share. Share your justifications. And if they don't work for someone, or you were wrong about something, then you can apologize.

Being honest can mean that you may hurt people's feelings if you are careless about your choices. But being careful in your choices means that you can be honest. You can talk about what you were thinking and feeling when you made a choice. You justified the decision you made, and that justification was enough for you when you made the decision.

As you become aware of the justifications you make, you can begin to live in a way that is easily justifiable. If you cannot justify the choices you make, then you may realize that something in your life needs to change. Seeing this and understanding this can be very freeing.

Being honest is really truly freeing. Being able to be honest with others about how you feel, the things that you want, and then being able to own those choices and decisions means that you are free. And life is much easier when truth is behind all our words.