I am thankful.

I haven’t written in ages, and to be honest it is because I have had a lot going on in these last few weeks and just haven’t been able to write. Chris of “From the bungalow” suggested that I write about things I appreciate and am grateful for. So here goes:

I am thankful for optimism. Optimism allows me to see that losing my job was a blessing. Optimism shows me that being laid off is an opportunity to get new training and start a new career path doing something better. Optimism allows me to see that change can be positive.

I am thankful for courage. Courage allows me to take a chance, to lift my foot in a step towards a new career path. Courage lets me move beyond the fear of change into action. Courage gives me the freedom to create a new and better future.

I am thankful for my family, who let me know that I will always have a roof over my head, food to eat, and our basic needs met, even if we’re all broke and have so little to offer. I am thankful for my family who let me know I am safe, even if I fail.

I am thankful for my heart. My heart jumps in and loves freely, trusts until given reason not to, and loves with such intensity that it sometimes feels like it’ll kill me. I am thankful for my big, open, giving heart; my heart that is willing to risk being hurt, that gives others the benefit of the doubt, and still believes in love.

I am thankful for my strength. Strength allows me to recognize when a relationship is not healthy. Strength gives me the power to let go of love when that love is toxic. I am thankful for the strength to create healthy boundaries in my life, and to know that I am okay on my own. I am thankful for the strength to walk away, and expect better.

I am thankful for my friendships. I am thankful for the friends I have who will put on the tea kettle, or will meet me at the beach, and sit with me and listen to me and hear out my thoughts. I am thankful for my friends who allow me to speak about my concerns, my fears, and my dreams and then affirm me for all of it and allow me to follow whatever path feels right, without judging me.

I am thankful for the friends who will hold up a mirror and remind me of who I am, even after I’ve forgotten. Those friends who will pick me up and put me on my feet and show me that it is still a beautiful day. I am thankful for friends who show me how wonderful I am, that will love me forever, and will always be on my side, even if I am wrong. I am thankful for my forever friends, for demonstrating what real love looks like.

I am thankful for my son. My son allows me to see that day-to-day life doesn’t stop. My son shows me that no matter how I feel, I need to get out of bed, get dressed, and get moving. My son reminds me to live in the moment, and see each moment as the gift it really is. My son shows me that I am strong, and that I can do anything.

I am thankful for you, my community of adventurers. I am thankful for the space we have created to be positive, supportive and supported. I am thankful that even when I can’t write, you stick around. I am thankful for every twitter reply, Facebook comment, and question you ask me. I am thankful that you talk amongst yourselves in the comments sometimes. I am thankful that our community is so diverse. I am thankful for every man, woman, and otherwise individual who is reading this. I am thankful each time you share an article that moves you. I am thankful for every new “like” on Facebook. I am thankful to be reaching you, and more so thankful that you reach back.

I am thankful for my life. It is beautiful, and filled with so much love and support.

How do we make it work?

I know many of my readers are struggling with trying to do too much. We are parents, or artists, or workaholics, or renovating the house, or hitting the gym 5 days a week, and we struggle to afford the things we want, and it’s just tough sometimes to balance life out.

For myself, I’m a mom, and I work full time. I live here alone, and my son goes to his dad's three nights a week. I commute an hour to work and an hour home, 5 days a week. That means that I leave the house at 7:45 am, drop my son off at school, hop on the bus, stay at work for 8.5 hours, rush to the bus, pick up my son, and I don’t get back into the house until 6pm. Then, dinner, a few minutes of ‘together’ time with my son while he rambles on about something related to star trek or time travel, then it’s “brush your teeth” and then bedtime. 8pm rolls around and I’m writing, or I’m sleeping, or maybe reading- but I’m exhausted.

Right now, we’re in a 1 bedroom basement suite, because it’s what I can afford. My son’s bed is in the living room. This suits my son just fine because he treats it like a giant bedroom with a TV in it. The big downside (except for all the Lego in my living room) is that once he’s in bed, I’m pretty much stuck in my room. Granted he sleeps through anything, but its not like I can watch a movie or have a lot of company over.

So on the days he is here, I’m rushing around, commuting, working, rushing, cooking, cleaning, and then hanging out in my room, alone.

It’s kind of nuts. And we live 45 minutes outside of town (my son’s father lives 75 minutes outside of town and I need to be here to support that relationship). I’m far enough out of town and off the main bus routes that people can’t easily come and visit me at my apartment. I can leave and go to other people’s places on the days that my son is at his dads. But on the days that he is home, I have very busy days and not a lot of ‘me’ time, and I'm alone.

I think that is really common for parents; having to give so much, all the time just to make life work. We struggle to pay the bills, keep the place clean, get to the parent teacher interviews, play dates, birthday parties, swimming lessons, cubs, soccer, and sew the button back on the pants that broke last week.

Sometimes it is just too much. It really isn’t easy some days. And I am honestly not typing it because I want a pity party, because I’m the last person to ever really get down on myself. I say it because I know so many of you (parents and non-parents) struggle with day to day life as well. It’s hard to get everything done. It is hard to make financial ends meet. It is hard to get ahead. It is hard to save money. It is hard to find time to do it all. To landscape the yard, put on that extra coat of paint, wash the car, clean the windows, put in overtime at work, and mail the Christmas cards. Life expects us to be so many things, and to be perfect at so many things.

I know that it is hard. So how do we make time for ourselves in a world like the one we live in? How do we support our relationships with our friends, partners and family? How do we find time for our selves? How do we balance work, social life, keeping the house clean, and being good parents?

I haven’t figured it out, to be honest. I just live in the moment. I follow joy. I am gentle with myself. If I don’t vacuum for 2 weeks it is okay, because really, happiness is more important than vacuuming. I often buy pre-made, immediate food for dinners, because really, I don’t have time to make home-made food. And that is okay. We do our best. I pay my child to wash our dishes, because I don’t have energy to do them myself. I do what I can. I put the important stuff first. I have a list of priorities and I put the stuff on the top first.

First on my list are the people that are important to me. My son, my relationship, my family and my friends are all at the top. Then it is my blog and my job. Then last is house cleaning and cooking. I won’t take time off work to clean the house or make a roast. But if my son is sick, I will take time off work. It’s easy to figure out that way. And I am gentle with myself about the cleaning and the cooking. If it’s not perfect, it’s going to be okay. I am a really busy person. My friends, my family, my partner, everyone understands. And if they don’t, they won’t get invited over for frozen pizza.

Just find the balance. Know what your priorities are. Decide what is okay to slide, and when it slides, be okay with it. It helps. The world will not stop rotating if you don't do everything. Just be happy, really- because that's what the people around you really need. Happiness. Comment question of the day: What are your priorities, and do you ever let some things slide? What are you okay with letting slide, and what are you not okay with sliding?

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The pursuit of happiness

The pursuit of happiness.

I feel really strongly that life should be about happiness. I feel like the goal in life should be happiness, and I have some ideas about how to make life happy.

The aspect of happiness that I want to discuss today is honesty. We all say that we appreciate honesty, and yet so many of us struggle with honesty. We are dishonest with others and we are dishonest with ourselves. We hide the truth, or dress it up to make it easier to hand over to others.

One important aspect to living happily, in my opinion, is being really honest with yourself, and that means owning and understanding your emotions. You can be strong, and capable, and powerful, and beautiful, and be scared. It is okay to feel scared. You can be perfectly okay on your own, and yet feel needy. It is okay to feel needy. You can be a kind, loving, attentive, patient, careful person, and feel angry. It is okay to feel angry. All of your emotions have value.

We feel things that don’t fit with who we think we are, and so we negate them. We don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge that we are scared, or stressed, or sad, or angry because we don’t WANT those emotions. We deny our feelings their proper voice, and so they live just under the surface of our skin: scratching at our sense of selves and well-being.

Being honest with yourself allows you to be honest with others. Acknowledge and respect your own emotions. Learn to give your emotions a voice. Explore your emotions and learn to say “I feel afraid. I feel afraid that I might not be doing a good job.” Or “I feel angry. I feel angry because I don’t feel respected.”, or “I feel lonely. I feel lonely because I am missing something important in my life”.

These words give you power. Understanding and naming how you feel changes an emotion from something that is arbitrarily happening TO YOU into something you can look at, affect and address.

By being honest with yourself, you enable yourself to be honest with others. You no longer need to fear sharing your truths with others. You no longer need to hide from others what you feel. Understanding your emotions means you don’t need to hide them. You have justified the way you feel and honesty only requires you communicate those reasons.

This all leads to happiness because honesty with yourself gives you the power to be honest with others, which means you can tell others how you feel and what you need, and that ability means you don’t have to hide. You can be who you are. You can feel what you feel. You can tell others what you need. You know what you feel. It seems so simple, but is so profound.

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself in all your emotions. Own your sadness, your loneliness, your fear. Own your bliss, your love, your gratitude. Own your melancholy, boredom, curiosity. Own it all. Set yourself free with acceptance and self-learning.

Knowing these emotions allows you to move past them into other emotions. It allows you to understand them and resolve or embrace them. It allows the voice inside to speak to you and tell you what those emotions have to say. Embrace all the emotions, and give them a voice so that they can move on.

It will take you one step closer to happy.

What inspires you?

A few weeks ago I asked my friends “what inspires you?” and got some colourful answers that I’d like to share. I asked the question because I was feeling down, and I was looking for inspiration. I got some great answers from my friends, and I realized that people are what inspire me. I know there are individuals who get a kick out of being unkind, or by spreading hate, but there is a much stronger universe of people who recognize that we are stronger together, who find passion and happiness in helping, supporting and being kind. I surround myself in these people and am one myself.

I think an important aspect of happiness is identifying the things that inspire you. I’m most inspired by the kindness of my fellow people. And I’m inspired by being alive. I am grateful for the breath I take, for the feeling in my body, and the freedom I have to choose where I’m going. Life is so fleeting. It’s so precious and each and every one of us is truly lucky to be alive. We all leave here. Eventually everyone that can remember us will also leave here. We have no staying power whatsoever and that means that what matters is today. The impact we have on other people, and how we feel today are what matters.

I am inspired by my own mortality. Knowing that our time is limited and that this is our only shot to do whatever it is we are here to do makes me want to do meaningful and powerful things. When I think about what kind of mark I want to leave on this planet, I want my mark to be happiness. I want people to have felt happiness, strength, courage and freedom because I existed, and smiled at them, or because I did something kind, or said something that connected for someone that allowed them to understand that they are not alone. Our mortality is the ultimate shared experience, and it inspires me to bring happiness into the world, through acceptance, relating, and sharing. It inspires me to be the type of person that inspires me.
Today is where each of us exist, and how we feel today matters. So relish in today and be appreciative for today. Be thankful for your body and your breath and that today is ours. Share that feeling with someone, so they too can be inspired by today and be inspired by their own mortality.

Leave a comment below about what inspires you. Tomorrow will be the first installment of “Fav Fridays” where I post up and discuss some of my favorite comments from followers from Facebook, Twitter, and on the blog. Find a way to follow, and I look forward to you getting in on the conversation.

KR Munro

Note: something happened on Blogger and the post on perfection disappeared. I'll try and get it back up for you! :)