Awkwaaard stories

Being July, and Friday, I think it'd be an excellent time to tell you three self-depreciating and very strange stories that have occurred in my life recently. Don't forget to leave a comment, and like us on facebook!

I was at Pride Festival in Victoria on Sunday. And I had been in the beer gardens, standing in line to use the porta-potties for about 18 bazillion years. There were a huge number of porta-potties, and they had those indicators on the front that said "occupied" or "available". Well, one of them said "available". Someone asked if there was someone in there, but no-one knew, and no-one wanted to be the one to go and check. Well, since I'm an idiot, I felt like being all 'proactive' for the lesbians in the line up and prove to them that it was empty.

I marched up to the porta potty, and banged on the door to see if anyone was inside. I didn't hear anything in response, so I pulled the door wide open, but without looking inside, in order to demonstrate to those in the line, that the porta potty was in fact empty, and that they were all silly for waiting in line without checking all the doors. Well. Turns out the joke was on me, because there WAS in fact someone in that porta potty. And because I didn't look before I pulled the door open to make my point, I did not just walk in on him, I actually held the door open long enough for everyone in the lineup to get a good, solid look at the man inside. Hello world, I'm an idiot!

The second story happened in Costco. Do you all know what Costco is? It is a giant warehouse sized store that carries EVERYTHING. I didn't have my son and happened to be wearing headphones and listening to music while I was shopping. I parked my cart outside the cold area, and ran inside to grab some almond milk. I put the milk in the cart and kept shopping. No problem.

About 5 minutes later, a disgruntled older woman wacked me on the behind with a 4 liter jug of milk. I pulled my headphones off to hear her tell me she'd been chasing me down hollering at me for stealing her grocery cart. I laughed at the mistake, and apologized, inquiring where MY cart with my groceries went. She didn't find my mistake nearly as funny as I did. How did I not notice? Both our carts were nearly empty and had typical grocery items in them. I hadn't noticed my mistake, even after adding a few things to the cart. She wasn't laughing. She was pissed. I saw nothing special in her cart. I had not made off with her her purse. But she was mad, and she thought I had taken her cart on purpose.

I apologized, and chuckled with the friendly folks in the isle around the scene of the crime. I retrieved the goods I had mistakenly added to this woman's basket, apologized again, and went in search of my own cart. I had made a mistake. I was friendly about it. I apologized. I moved on. But she did not. We crossed paths multiple times through the remainder of the shopping trip, and she pointed me out each time to her husband, moving her cart away like I was going to take it again. Like I couldn't find those grocery items myself! She even put up her fists and let me know that she had been "ready". I smiled sweetly in understanding, but oh my goodness. You'd think I'd had made off with her grandchild. :)

None of this bothered me, in truth. I knew she had been over reacting and must have picked the best steak from the meat department and felt very attached to it. And it was all okay. I just chuckled. But I felt bad for her husband. She wanted to fight me over such a silly mistake. I still chuckle when I think about her chasing me down and bonking me with her jug of milk! As someone 6'0 tall, I think it was rather bold! :)

The third story I want to tell you happened yesterday at work (I do still have a job until Monday). I was at my desk working away and suddenly there was this very loud crash bang sound from the roof directly above me that shook the building. The lights went out and everything went quiet. My first thought was if the building had been hit by lightening, but then I remembered it's July, and sunny and we don't get lightening in Victoria. (Yes, still an idiot!)

Turns out a crow flew into or landed on or somehow otherwise blew up the transformer for the building's air conditioning unit which was stationed on the roof directly above my desk. Poor bird.

But here is the weirdest part of the story. Apparently, the crow, upon exploding the transformer, became a dead, projectile crow, and shot across the street, and it hit a man, walking along the sidewalk, in the head.

So lets recap today's strange stories. Imagine, if you were minding your own business in the porta-potty and some random chick opens the door and puts you on display and doesn't even realize it.

Next, imagine being vaguely threatened with physical violence by a woman twice your age and half your size for making off with a nearly empty grocery cart.

And lastly, imagine what it would be like to be peacefully wandering along the sidewalk, and then suddenly be hit in the head by a dead, projectile crow.

Weird times.

I hope these made you chuckle. Which was your favorite, and why? Also be sure to add your own strange stories in the comments.

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