An open letter to the little boy

Dear Little Boy ,

You are with your parents in a coffee shop on a beautiful sunny day and you spill your drink. It splashes onto the table and onto your body, then slowly dribbles down onto the floor. I don't know how old you are, but you are small enough that your feet dangle freely from your chair. Your parents are angry. 

"I told you to sit still! I told you! You should have sat still!"

"I can't believe this. It's all over you. This is why we told you to sit still."

"Well? Are you going to clean him up, or what?"

"Look at this. It's all over your arms. Come here. I told you to sit still." 

I watched as you tried to defend yourself. 

"I was just..."

"I didn't mean to..." 

"I didn't..."

Each time you try to defend yourself, your parents silence you. I watch as you stop pleading your defense, and we both watch helplessly as your parents angrily clean up your spilled drink. There voices are loud. It is clear to everyone in the room that you had been careless and your parents are angry, ashamed, embarrassed for this mistake. They clean you and the floor with forceful wipes of the cloth, berating you as they do.

I want to make eye contact with you, to tell you with my eyes that it is okay. Everyone makes mistakes. But you are looking at your shoes, certain that the whole world feels the way your parents do. 

I want to tell your parents that it's okay too. That everyone makes mistakes. That little boys (and girls) can't always sit still. I want to tell them that adults make mistakes too. 

I want to tell them what their child is learning while staring at his shoes. 

• He is learning that mistakes are tragedies to be avoided at all cost. 
• He is learning to feel shamed. 
• He is learning that he is bad. 
• He is learning that he is alone. 

Accidents happen. Everyone makes mistakes. 

In a world where I am a braver and better person, I would have liked to come up to you, little guy. And tell you you don't need to stare at your shoes. I would smile at you. 

"Opps. Looks like an accident happened. Do you want to help me clean it up?" 

I'd hand you a cloth and I would help you wipe up the drink. I'd ask you about your day. And then I'd remind you, and your parents that everyone makes mistakes. Even adults. The world needs more compassion. It didn't have to be like this. 

You see little guy, I believe that the grown ups around you are here to teach you, and that you learn best when you are given the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and to solve problems. Your parents could have handed you the cloth the way I wanted to. They could have talked about how Mom asked you to sit still because she was really afraid of your drink spilling. You might then have agreed with her, and understood the consequences better next time. 

But you didn't learn that today. You learned that you are bad and that the whole world is against you. But I need to tell you that it's not, little buddy.  

I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to stand up for you in Starbucks. But if I'm lucky, someone will read this and it will help them learn how to help the next time.